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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
Etc... A word used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.