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Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data