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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
I think it`s safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Making fun of someone you`re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car, instead
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.