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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
Remember before Amazon reviews when you could just buy a toothbrush without 6 hours of research?
Try this... When leaving a fancy restaurant tell the people coming in "I recommend you try the donkey, snail or the squirrel".
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.