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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
I really need a long road trip, top down, in the Jeep...with a cooler....loud music....and an extra cooler in case the first one isn`t enough
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
Just found my TV remote and a newspaper in my fridge. It`s pretty awesome that society lets me live by myself.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.