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Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats.
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
My goal in life: Build a time machine and travel forward into the future until I can stop and ask someone "Do you know what `buffering` is?" and they are clueless.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what