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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
If you`re bored, wear a cape. Then you can be Super Bored
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
Ride me like you stole me.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.