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Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.