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My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.