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The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
When I was a kid I remember I fell asleep in the couch and woke up in the bed, now I fall asleep in the couch and wake up on the floor.
Theirye’re, problem solved.
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
Someone has got to come up with a polite way to ask a fat girl if she`s pregnant.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO