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Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea...
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.