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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
If you surround yourself with people funny enough to make you laugh till your abs hurt, you’ll never have to work out!
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...