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I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I hate it when I think I`m buying ORGANIC vegetables but when I get home I discover they`re just REGULAR donuts...
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
With the right person, there is no such thing as inappropriate behavior.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.