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So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
Someone asked me why I use the "F" bomb so much. What the F*ck is an "F" bomb?
Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
Today I heard a guy on the street say, `It`s chowder season, baby!` so I pushed him in front of a bus because those are awesome last words