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Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
Mom: Clean your room. We`re having guests over for dinner. Me: I didn`t realize that dinner will be held in my room.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.