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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......