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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
eHarmony matched me with a bean bag chair with duct tape on it
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn`t come here to read.