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Mom: "Why is everything on the floor?" Me: "Gravity, Mom."
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
The realization that Netflix knows me better than my closest friends....
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.