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Sometimes I say stuff without even meaning to be funny and I`m like "Man, my subconsicious is hilarious!"
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
Back in my day, we didn’t have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
I have tons of friends! Well i only have one... but she ways a ton!
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?