Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
My Doctor says I`m a serious alcoholic, but I think I`m more of a funny alcoholic.
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
If women really knew what men think, there would be restraining orders on all men.
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
Weird is just a side effect of being awesome.
There is literally no way of knowing how many chameleons are in your house.
I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.