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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.