Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*