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Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
A panda never pays his bills, because he eats shoots and leaves!!!
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook, It`s much clearer now
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF