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In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
No one`s going to do it for you. It`s up to you, to make naps a priority in your life.
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
I have some serious self-esteem issues. The last time I posted a selfie I first cropped myself out of it.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"