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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.