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When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.
If you want to be remembered after you die, borrow money from everyone you know.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?