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I have a feeling my dying words will be "Honey, I was just joking."
One trenta cheeseburger please.
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.