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Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
Calling someone with glasses “four eyes” isn’t an insult. Know what else has four eyes? Two sharks. Now you feel stupid.
I have a coffee table in my house. It`s decaffeinated but you would never know it by looking at it.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office – I will track you down. You have my Word.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
You know what`s beautiful? Read the first word again.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??