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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
I watched Americas Got Talent for 15 minutes and I beg to differ.
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
When I was a kid... No wait. I still do that.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.