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My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
The average man thinks about sex every tits seconds
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
“My phone’s about to die.” is what I say 30 seconds into every phone call. Just in case!
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?