Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
As My Wife walked by, she said, "NICE PORN STASH!" which got me all excited and I preceded to show her where I hide the really raunch stuff. She then clarified that she was talking about the ugly hair I`ve been trying to grow above my lip, and now, I have neither... :)
I don`t have a drinking problem........I just celebrate everything!!! Like the fact that I have pants on, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.