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My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can´t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
I just want a reason to dramatically slide across the hood of a car.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
When I go to the gas station I always get two kinds of drinks so it appears I actually have a friend..I think they`re catching on though.
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?