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I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
Auto correct changed "group hug" to "grope hug" and I`m not in charge of the team-building exercises any more.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.