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Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
Sometimes I meow back at cats.
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
You couldn`t handle five minutes in my head.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.
Reincarnation is my only hope.