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I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
Judging by the way some women wear makeup it`s rather obvious they didn`t excel at coloring as a kid ...
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
Common Sense is so rare, it should be classified as a super power.
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.