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I`m considering buying a racehorse and naming it, "My Face". Just so I can hear everyone in the stands scream "Come on, My face!!"...
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.