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Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
I only drink alcohol because there aren`t enough ways to eat it.
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
I forget, on which side of my dinner plate am I supposed to set my phone?
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
sleep is for people without netflix
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people