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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
I would never survive a real job because I dont like being told when I can eat lunch...
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
I was wondering why some couples don`t go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don`t work out...
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.