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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Just knowing that I have successfully pissed you off again makes my day.
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.