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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
Today I am thankful that I don`t post what I am thankful for on Facebook, every day in November. Or ever.
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
You bring the friendship, I`ll bring the benefits.
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.