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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
Whenever someone says to me, "Oh, you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
There`s no easy way to tell someone you lost their kid in a high stakes game of duck duck goose.
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married