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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
People who text back... "kk" ... Are so annoying! ....and almost racist
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science.
I`m going to hell in every religion!
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.
Why must I prove I`m me, if I`m callin to pay my bill. Do strangers call to pay my bills? If they do, then let them, you idiots!
Sex Is Like Math: Add The Bed, Subtract The Clothes, Divide The Legs, And Pray To God You Don`t Multiply!