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My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
The only reason any of us can spell laboratory is because of Dexter.