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I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.
awesome collection!