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Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.