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Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
In the spirit of spring cleaning and Easter, I`m keeping the dust bunnies as decorations.
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!