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I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
When people on Facebook say they lost their phone and need everyone’s numbers again, I text them: “Guess who?” for 2 weeks.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber were both answers on Jeopardy tonight. The end is near........
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
"What`s wrong?" "Oh it`s personal" Then, why`d you post it to Facebook.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.