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My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying don`t run into anyone you know
If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
word of the day: nincomtard
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m an apple.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
Don`t believe everything you think.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
Now that I know how many calories there are in a pint of beer , I have decided to stop eating.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?