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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
"No, thanks. I`m a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.