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Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
I’m not so much goofing off as impersonating upper management.
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.