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I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
I really don`t have time for people that don`t find me hilarious.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
That moment when you pour yourself a bowl of cereal and discover there`s no milk. So you just sit there, wondering why bad things happen to good people?
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.