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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
DAMN! I`m so drunk that I cooked a pizza for 450 minutes at 15 degrees.
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
Is Nudeism a religion?
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
I failed my driver`s test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Text and check Facebook."
Days that I don’t have to care about my appearance are my favorite days.
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.