Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
I was discussing with my friend about the popular trends on sex, marriage and values. He says to me, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?" I replied. "I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?"
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!
Nothing says you mean business more than putting on a bib before you eat a girl out