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Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
You guys, how can true love still exist if we don`t have mixed tapes anymore?
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
It’s a status….not your diary…
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/