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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
The police never think its as funny as I do.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.