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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
I hate that part of the morning where I have to get out of bed and participate in real life.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?