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Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
Got a problem with me? I’m pretty sure a status on Facebook won’t fix it.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Not so great minds also think alike.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.