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In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
Judge: I`ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That`s very generous. I`ll try and kick in a little myself.
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.