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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor...And you don`t know whether to be proud or scared.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
How old were you when you found out your parents were using Santa Claus as a behavior-modification tool?
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet