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At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
There is a special place in hell for people who are not ready to order when it`s their turn.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
DAMN IT!!!!! I just ripped the tag off one of my Beanie Babies! Now it`s worthless!!
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.