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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.
I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
I`m getting really tired of being really tired of stuff.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.