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MTV canceled Teen Mom, so it`s like they had those babies for nothing.
I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
ROFL!!ā¦.. LOL jk iām still in my chair.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
Love makes the world go round, but alcohol makes it go round twice as fast!
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
My boss acts like during March Madness is the only time we`re less productive. Its cute
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.