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I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Talk is cheap, until you hire a lawyer.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
I was born to be happy… not normal.