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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
I mixed Taco Bell sauce into my Ramen Noodles, It tastes exactly like poverty.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.