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They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
If you really want to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
Netflix should double as a dating site and be like "here are 9 other singles in your area that watched LOST for the past 11 hours."
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?